Unbusy Your Life: Episode 13 | Disconnection Shame

Welcome to episode 13 of Unbusy Your Life. This week we are diving into the concept of disconnection shame. If you’re a working mom during this pandemic, you might be feeling like you aren’t staying as connected to your family as other moms are right now. You might feel like you don’t have that Pinterest worthy connection. Well, I’m here today to teach you how to get rid of that shame and cultivate a TRUE connection. If you’re having thoughts that you’re not staying connected to your kids or loved ones, this is the episode for you.

In this episode we cover:

  • How you know you’re experiencing connection shame
  • What connection really is and how it’s created
  • The truth about what you have control over and what you don’t
  • Where you’re comparing and where you’re disparing

Click here to listen to the full episode.

Before we get into how to squash disconnection shame and cultivate TRUE connection I want to share just a quick example of this happening with one of my clients. She presented to the group with this shame or the guilt of being a working mom and having to take care of her business and not spending more time with her kids during this pandemic. I think this is true even outside of the pandemic for those of us who are working moms. We question our judgment and our decision to be working, the number of hours that we’re working, thinking that maybe we’re doing it wrong and that maybe we shouldn’t be working so much. Maybe we should be spending more time with our kids. Because of the situation that we’re in with this pandemic, this has just been concentrated for a lot of us. So my client actually said in one of our group calls, “This pandemic is in some ways literally my dream come true.”

What she meant by that was that her kids are at home with her. Her children are teenagers. I don’t have teenagers yet but I’m approaching it here in a couple of years but I know that even when I was a teenager, I didn’t want to be at home with my parents. I wanted to be with my friends and be out in the world. So that’s what she was experiencing. Her children are growing up. They’re in the teenage years and they want to be out doing a lot of stuff. So now she is struggling with the thought that she didn’t do a good enough job as a mom to create a connection with them. She feels very disconnected from her children so when this pandemic came around, it was like her being able to go to a deserted island or to a cabin in the woods with her kids and force everybody to be together because that’s what she thought was going to create the connection.

So if you’ve been thinking that this is an opportunity for you to reset with your family and your kids and you’re feeling guilty and shameful because you’re still working, I want to help you with that. You do not need to feel guilty or shameful for working during this time, even though your kids are at home. You can actually be creating all kinds of connections with your children regardless of the number of hours that you’re actually in their physical presence. Today I’m going to show you exactly how to do that.

The first step in this process is knowing that it is a problem for you. Here are a couple of the warning signs and that came out when I was coaching my clients:

+ If you’re feeling guilt or shame about this situation that you’re working more than you think you should or if that word should pops into your head.
+ You’re comparing and then despairing.
+ You’re thinking that you’re doing this wrong

Before we go further, I just want to point out something very important. We’ve literally never been in this situation before. We’ve never been in a world pandemic like this before. We’ve never had our kids sent home from school and to be homeschooled, to be educated at home by parents who are still doing their work in the world. That has never happened before. So where we get this idea that someone knows better than we do, that someone else is doing it better than we are, that some other women are parenting better than we are is a little bit ridiculous if you stop and think about it. Nobody really knows what the right or best thing to do is. We’ve never been here before. We’re all just doing the best we can and the way that it looks for you is going to look very different than the way it looks for someone else and that is exactly the way that it’s supposed to be.

So if you’re feeling guilt, shame, disconnection from your kids, and you have thoughts running around in your head about what you should be doing, I want you to consider questioning the truth of that. Now, why is it a problem?

First of all, it doesn’t feel good. Feeling guilty, feeling FOMO, feeling shame, feeling disconnection doesn’t feel great. Right? What I see happening, is that as entrepreneurial moms, we are focusing on our business, so we feel disconnected from our kids. Then, our business doesn’t end up getting the attention it needs to be getting. Then, the reverse is also happening. When we’re with our children, we’re not really with them in the whole sense, meaning that our complete attention and focus is not entirely on them. We begin to feel bad about that. Our brains are half in your business and half with your kids.

With this, you’re not able to create a connection in either area in your life in a really holistic way. So I want to show you how to do this today and it’s not going to be what you think it is.

The most important thing to remember is: It’s not the number of hours that you’re spending with your children that determines your level of connection to them. Nor is it the number of hours that you’re spending in your business that is making you feel connected to it. Connection is a feeling.

Feelings are triggered by a phrase or a sentence in your mind. So the thought, the sentence, the phrase goes through your brain, and then it triggers a feeling. So if you want to feel connected either to your kids or to your business or maybe even to those loved ones and friends that you can’t physically see right now, the only thing you need to do to feel more connected is to think connecting thoughts about them.

Now I can speak about this FOMO and disconnection because it’s something that I have struggled with a lot in my relationships and I noticed my brain wanting to go there really strongly right now during this pandemic. I feel like I am working at the same level, if not even at a higher level right now than I did before the pandemic ever began.

I have several friends who are not working at all so, in my brain, I have thoughts of, “They’re all outside going on walks, having parties behind my back, and enjoying this time together.” So it’s easy to get spun up in that and think about that and let yourself feel like you’re being left out.

What is actually happening when you think those thoughts? You leave yourself out. So that’s exactly what’s happening in your relationship with your kids. You’re feeling completely disconnected from your children and you think that they are feeling disconnected from you as well. However, the only thing that has happened is that your line of thinking has made you feel disconnected from them.

Here’s a really important point: Your children are humans too. That means their feeling of connection, how strong their connection is to you is created from their thinking too. So you have to access connecting thoughts to create that connection for you when you’re not spending time with your children and you feel like you’re missing out.

So how do you do this?

The best way is to stop and think about what you would be thinking about if you were hanging out with them. For instance, my son has been doing a lot of work with my husband out in the backyard. They’re constantly outside enjoying the amazing weather we’re experiencing right now. Because of this, I find myself feeling that my husband gets to spend more time with my son than I do. Their relationship is going to be so much stronger than my relationship with them. Then I feel disconnected and I feel left out.

Here’s what I decided to do instead. I’ve decided to redirect my brain intentionally to think, “This is exactly the way that it’s supposed to be.” I also take the time to be grateful for and love what he’s learning when he’s working with his dad in the backyard. The things that he’s learning are things he could never learn in the classroom. So I’m grateful for the fact that they get to spend the time together.

When I shift my thinking in this way, I feel connection and love for both of them. I don’t feel left out. I feel so grateful that we have this time and this chance to be able to influence him in the way that we are right now. It’s not even me that’s doing it necessarily. I’m not the primary one. He’s spending way more time with Lincoln than I am, but I can still choose to feel connected to both of them.

So think about a situation where you are spending a lot of time with your kids and you’re feeling really connected. Figure out what you’d be thinking if that were the case. Whatever that thinking is, you can choose to focus on the time that you DO have.

How can you make that the highest quality, most connected, intense time for YOU in your relationship with them, even if it’s 30 minutes in the morning or an hour at the end of the day? Then you can think about them throughout the whole day and still feel connected even if you’re not with them. That’s how you create true connections. You access the thoughts that make you feel connected at any time you want.

Now once you’ve tackled those thoughts, the second thing you can do is actually schedule time for them. Create your schedule intentionally so that you block out time to spend with your kids and loved ones. If your children are a priority, they should be scheduled into your calendar, you can rely on your calendar. Use it as a tool to support you and to support your priorities. It’s not working against you. It is made to work for you.

So if you want more help with that, if you’re really struggling with figuring out how to make this new normal work, I created a special free training for you just for this purpose. It’s called the Three Secrets to a Work Schedule that actually works. These are three of the most important things that you can do. They’re actionable and you can implement them today when you’re creating your plan so that you’re creating a schedule that actually supports you. All you have to do is click this link and you’ll find out how to get access to the training.

Once you take that training, I’d love to know how it goes! Please feel free to reach out to me on Instagram or Facebook!

Alright, that’s all for this week’s episode of Unbusy Your Life. I hope this has supported you in cultivating true connection with your family.

If you are loving what you’re learning on this podcast, please subscribe, rate, and review it by clicking here. Have an amazing, unbusy everybody, I’ll talk to you next time.

Unbusy Your Life | Episode 12 | Becoming Undistractable

Welcome to Episode 12 of Unbusy Your Life!

As entrepreneurial moms working from home, we got to create a schedule that worked great for our lives. We created a schedule that works in tandem with our kids, our partners and our businesses. But then Covid-19 happened and all of the humans are now at home with us. We have been plagued with distraction. So many of my clients have expressed this to me so I thought it would be great to talk about on the podcast. In this episode we are going to make your mind stronger and more powerful through the process of becoming undistractable. Let’s dive in!

Listen to the full episode here.

At my gym, we used to have this workout that all of us dreaded. It was called “Unbreakable”. It was awful but it was designed to make us stronger and more powerful. Becoming undistractable is the same exact thing but for your mind. We’re going to make your mind stronger and more powerful through the process of becoming undistractable. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to teach you about distractions in this episode, which is why the title is called “Becoming Undistractable.” Here’s why it was so important to me to create the right title for this episode. If you’ve been listening to the podcast for any length of time, you know that I’m teaching you that what you get done in your hours is mostly determined by who you are in those hours, not about the number of hours that you have.

I genuinely still believe it to be true, that if you only had your magic hours scheduled into your daily routine, that you would still be highly productive and probably get as much done in those couple of hours per day as most people get done in an entire day. Now, if you don’t know what magic time is or you need a refresher on that, you can just go back to episode number 10 where I talked to you all about that and three other types of time that I’d like you to consider scheduling into your week. So today I want to help you take control over your distractions. And the first thing I want to teach you is that your distractions are not outside of you. I’ve been watching a lot of Marvel movies lately because I have a 10 year old son, and this is just what he’s into. So when I think about being undistractible, I feel like that could really be a super power, the power to focus and to stay on task regardless of what else is happening in the world and in our environment.

But the amazing thing about it is that unlike the superheroes in the movies, we all as humans have the ability to create the super power for ourselves. And here’s why: Kids are not distracting. Husbands are not distracting. The news is not distracting. But do you know what is distracting? Brains. It turns out that your brain is the problem here, but the most amazing news is that it’s also the solution. So today I’m going to teach you how to use your brain to be the solution to your distractions so that you can become undistractable. So let’s dive in.

First, let’s define what distraction actually is.

Distracting is what you do when your attention and your focus goes away from what you want to be doing or focusing on or you should be paying attention to. So it is an action that you do, but it’s an internal action. It occurs inside your mind. Where your focus is, is determined by what sentences are in your brain in the moment, what thoughts you’re thinking. That’s what focuses your attention on something. Now, distraction could also be a feeling like if you’ve said to yourself, “I felt distracted all day” or “I’m feeling really distracted.” If you are experiencing it as a feeling, it’s still an inside job because feelings are triggered from sentences in our mind and then move outward to the body. So distraction is actually completely within your control. You are actually 100% responsible for either the feeling of distraction or the act of distraction.

We have this joke in our house with my son Lincoln. He is so easily distracted because his attention and focus wanders and we tease him all the time about it. We use the word squirrel every time his focus or attention goes somewhere else. Now I know that what’s happening is that he isn’t holding a thought or a sentence in his mind that’s going to keep him focused on the thing in front of him, like his math homework. He’s easily distracted from his math homework because he’s not enjoying it. And so it’s easy for him to redirect his brain to something else that is maybe more interesting in the moment than the math homework. We do this as humans too. So distractions are not the kids, they’re not your phone. They are your brain. What your thoughts are directed at and focused on.

So I want to make an important point here because I hear this come up so often with my clients lately. They’re telling me about the fact that the kids are coming into their office or into their workspace, or maybe hubby is home and he’s coming into the office or the workspace when they haven’t expected it. What I hear is that the humans are distracting. But here’s what I want you to consider. When your kids come into your office, do you want to be focusing your attention on them? Now maybe they come in with some homework problem. Maybe they come in with something else happening in the house that they need your help with. I want you to really get honest with yourself and decide, “Do I want to be paying attention to my child when he comes in my office?” If the answer is yes, then what I want you to know is that you’re not distracting because you’re consciously choosing to pay attention to your child in that moment. I think this is a really important distinction because we have blamed our kids and our husband and everything else outside of us for our distraction. They are not responsible for that.

WE are responsible for it because we can decide to focus our attention and our brain on them or not. As a human, we have the ability to make that choice. And that’s actually one of the gifts of being a human is the agency to choose in every single moment where our attention and focus is at. So I wanted to point that out because I feel like so many of us feel like we’re out of control because we can’t control the humans. What I want you to know is you don’t have to control the humans. All you need to do is get really good at controlling you and your mind about the humans in your environment. So that’s the first very important point. If you don’t take anything else away from this podcast, please take away the fact that you are actually 100% in the driver’s seat of distractions because they are in your mind. They are not outside of you.

So how do we become undistractable?

Now that you know what distraction really is, I’m going to give you a process to becoming undistractable. Really what this is is the process of mind management. Now, some of you are probably going to tell me that you don’t have time for this. What I want to offer to you is that I don’t think you have time not to do it. This is the thing that’s going to help you accomplish so much more in such a small amount of time. When you finally take control of your brain, it changes everything in how productive you are and what you get done in your time.

Now I want to give you a quick example of being undistractable and what that looks like in action in one way. You’ve all done this before so you know what it’s like to be undistractable. So, your husband comes home or maybe your kids come home from school and they want to tell you a story, but your brain is focused on something that you’re doing in your business. Maybe some problem you’re trying to solve or something you’re really excited about. Your attention is not focused on the words they’re saying to you. It’s in your own mind thinking about this thing. You realize at some point that you have not heard one word that they said, right? So you have chosen in that moment to focus in on the thing that you have going on in your brain and not focus on your child or your husband and the story that they’re telling you. So you have done this before. You have been undistractable before, and that is just the perfect example I want to give you of how this is all in your mind.

If it really was outside of you, if it was the kids and the husband, you wouldn’t have the ability to not focus on what they’re saying and be in your own mind. Okay? So the first step of becoming undistractable is gaining awareness over your distracting thoughts. Now, the best way to do this that I know of is that when you see yourself distracted when you’re focusing on something else other than what you want to be, ask yourself why. You should have plenty of situations in your day that will help you find this and the answer is always going to be what is happening in your mind. Okay? There’s going to be sentences in your mind or something that you’re thinking that is pulling your attention away from the work that you really want to be focusing on to something in your phone or to what the kids are doing or what’s happening in the neighborhood outside.

Now, here are examples of a few of the sentences that I have caught for myself lately. When I’m noticing that my brain is wanting to shift focus and I want to redirect it:

  • “He shouldn’t come into my office.”
  • “He interrupts me constantly and I can’t get anything done.”
  • “I don’t have time to help him every five minutes.”

As long as I allow these sentences to run around in my brain, that’s what I’m focusing on instead of focusing on the work that I want to be doing. When we do this, it’s like this hamster wheel that we get on. We end up wasting way more time that is needed because these distracting thoughts are running around in our brain. That is really the true distraction, this cyclone of distracting thoughts that we indulge in. Then also what happens is when we focus on what we aren’t getting done, it just wastes time and mental energy because our focus isn’t on what we’re trying to get done. It’s on what we’re not getting done. So just by the nature of that, we get less done. Once you have awareness over what your distracting thoughts are, you’re going to be able to spot them so easily. This is really the trick because once you spot them, you’ve brought them from your subconscious brain to your conscious brain, you get to make a conscious choice to keep them or to change them. That is really the power that you have as a human is to choose thinking on purpose. What I want to offer to you is that you can choose thinking that is going to serve you and help you through this Covid situation that we’re all experiencing.

I want to give you just a few examples of thoughts that I’ve been using lately that have really helped me.

  • “This will only take a minute and then I can get back to work.”
  • “I love that I get to help him and do my work.”
  • “I only have to focus on one thing at a time.”

That last one, the idea that you only have to focus on one thing at a time has really been a game changer for me. I believe it to be true and it creates a level of focus for me. So when I am working with my son and helping him with his math or his reading, I can just focus on him. I can let all of the thoughts that are trying to flood my brain about what I should be doing in my business to just sit by the sideline and just direct my focus, pay attention to him and help him with his thing. Then when I’m done with that, I can go back to my work and all I need to do is focus on is the work in front of me.

I don’t have to worry about my son in that moment. I get to direct my brain to complete laser focus on the thing that I want to be doing in that moment. This is really the trick, right? Redirecting your brain to where you want your focus to be. Wherever it is is where your energy is going to be directed.

I also love this idea of trying to hold one sentence at a time in your mind instead of having one sentence kind of at the forefront, but then having all of these sentences kind of running around in the background that you’re still paying a little bit of attention to. They’re a little bit like an irritant, like gnats running around, if you know what I mean. Just see if you can hold that main sentence in your mind. See if you can just pay most attention to that one sentence in your mind.

“All I have to do is help him with his homework right now.”

“All I have to do is get back to work and record this podcast.”

These sentences are so freeing when you think about it in that way. This process of becoming undistractable is the process of being able to hold a thought or sentence in your mind that you chose on purpose that creates a feeling of focus for you. It’s also the process of redirecting your brain back to what you want to be focusing on when you notice a new sentence came into your brain and is trying to pull your attention towards something else.

What I want to tell you is that this doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a skill that you have to practice to get really good at just like any other skill. It like when you first started marketing your business online, you probably didn’t have a fully developed masterful skillset about that, right? But the more you did it, the more you practiced it, the better you became at it. So getting really good at this skill of becoming undistractable takes practice. You have to do it to get really good at it.

One thing I want to offer up to you is maybe you start with really small amounts of time where you’re practicing this. Maybe it’s 10 to 15 minutes every hour. Can you set aside 10 to 15 minutes in an hour and laser focus your brain on one thing? Can you focus intently holding that sentence in your mind that you’re conscious too, that helps you create the focus and stay focused for that entire 10 or 15 minute period?

Now, what I want to offer to you is if you’re able to only do that, let’s say for 10 to 15 minutes every hour, you’re going to get so much more done than if you spent a whole half hour and your brain is darting back and forth between 10 different things in that half hour. So this is really a skill that will help you get more done in very small amounts of time.

The last point that I want to make here in this podcast episode, is to remind you that the focus that you want to have is not on the amount of time that you’re spending doing your work or the hours that you’re working, it’s on the results that you’re creating in your time. So be results oriented in terms of “In this 10 to 15 minutes, what can I create? Can I create the outline for this podcast episode?

Can I create the outline for this email? What can I create in this 10 to 15 minute period of time and stay laser focused doing it?”

Now, a story to prove that this is possible:

When I first signed up for my master coach training we had 30 days to create a new idea, develop a 10 minute presentation, and then be ready to present when we came to the in-person portion of our training So we all did that and of course we spent lots of time, right? Because we had lots of time. We had 30 days to develop this whole thing. Well then while we were at in-person training, we were given the same exact assignment, but we were given less than 24 hours to create an entirely new idea and a presentation on it.

I remember thinking, “This is going to be impossible.” That was my first thought. Then I questioned myself on that because that’s exactly what I teach and what I’ve figured out for myself is that it’s not the amount of time, it’s the results that I create in the amount of time. So I couldn’t change that I only had 24 hours to create this, but what I could change is the way that I was thinking about it and I decided to laser focus in on this one problem and do you know what happened? I created an entirely new idea for my business. It’s my Productivity IQ Quiz. Not only did I create that idea and fully vet it out, but I had the presentation done and it only took me less than an hour.

That was true for every single person that was in the training. The ideas that we came up with and the presentations that we made in that smaller amount of time were such higher quality, more amazing presentations and ideas than what we had come up with in the 30 days that we had.

I just tell you this story, to reiterate, the idea that the amount of time is so much less important than what it is that you’re creating in the time that you’re spending. So be results-oriented in your time.

So if you’re interested in taking the quiz to get your productivity IQ, it’s a great place to see where you are in terms of your overall productivity and gives you a place to start as you’re moving along your journey to becoming more productive and unbusy your life. If you want to go take that, go ahead and visit www.neilwilliams.com/quiz and you’ll be able to access it right there.

If you are loving what you’re learning on this podcast, please subscribe, rate and review it by clicking here. Have an amazing, unbusy, undistractable week, everybody, I’ll talk to you next time. In the meantime, connect with me over on Facebook and Instagram!

Unbusy Your Life | Episode 11 |The 2 Most Important Hours of Your Week

Welcome to Episode 11 everyone! I’m so excited and so grateful that you’re here with me today. In the spirit of continuing to move on through the Corona Virus situation that we’ve been handed, I wanted to record this podcast about two hours of your week that are the most important in terms of you getting exactly what you want and creating at the absolute whatever you want to create in your life at the HIGHEST level – whether that’s in your work or in your personal life as a mom. If you schedule in these two hours that I am going to talk about today, you will be set up for success. I’m going to tell you a story about my own journey towards high productivity, what these two hours of time are, and how to make the most out of them. Let dive in!

Click here to listen to the full episode.

Before we get started I am going to tell you a little bit of my own history and my own journey towards high productivity and creating a life that is very conscious and deliberate. If you didn’t know this, I’m a mom and a wife, but I’m a life coach and an entrepreneur and I’m still in my day job. I’m an actuary in a corporate job. I am wearing a lot of hats just like you, so I completely understand where you’re coming from. When you feel like your schedule is out of control or you’re overwhelmed or you just can’t get to it all.

I’ve got you.

I used to work this corporate job at a more than full-time pace, meaning I worked probably about 60 hours per week and now what I want to tell you is that because of everything that I’ve learned, because of who I’ve become, because of this journey of increasing my own capacity to create at a very high level, I’m doing the equivalent of a full-time job in that company, but in three days per week, I want you to stop and think about that. I’ve basically cut the amount of time that I’m spending to create a very similar level of results in half.

What’s really important about that is because I’ve created space and time in my life to be able to coach and be an entrepreneur is what is allowing me to make the highest, most valuable contribution to the world that I can. I figured out how to make space for that in my life and that’s really what I want to help you do as well. So if you’re right now a full time working mom and you feel like you’re just working too many hours or too much, I want you to know that it is totally possible to cut that back. More importantly than that, however, the ability to create a balanced, sustainable, fulfilling schedule in life is not about the amount of time that you have.

The real solution is not more time for all of the other things.

Here’s what it really is:

It’s you and who you are in your hours.

That was the biggest lesson that I learned. Yes, I did choose to go part time in this job, but it was only because I love coaching so much that I wanted to do it on a more full time basis. I want to help you and all the other working moms stop their struggle with the too busy and being overwhelmed and miserable. It’s really my mission to help all of you be able to get to the point where you consciously and deliberately create the life that you really want and to get you out of the overwhelm and out of the too busy. This is so important and I know this to be true: Our kids are watching us. I learned recently that they’re creating the story of who they are in their experience all the way through age 23. 23 is when the prefrontal cortex is completely developed. So I want us as moms to be living as the example for our kids.

What story do we want to be showing them? Do we want to be modeling for them as their brain is developing and it’s creating those beliefs about themselves and about the world? That is so important to me because I feel like the next generation is the generation that is going to take off and create an even better world for all of us.

So today, what I want to teach you about are the two most important hours of your week. This is the podcast episode that literally has the capability to change your schedule and your life. If you implement what I’m going to teach you. These two hours are the one hour each week that you schedule for planning your schedule and the one hour at the end of the week where you evaluate it and you celebrate your success. Now I’m going to break down each of these hours separately so you know exactly what to do in each of them.

But the very first decision that you need to make is to decide where these go on your calendar. I’ll just give you my own as an example, but you have to decide what makes sense for you. For me, m y one hour planning session is on Sunday. Sunday is one of those days that I just set aside to really recharge, to nourish myself, to rejuvenate. Part of taking really good care of myself is the one hour that I use to plan my whole next week. I really like to go to bed feeling completely confident and in control and that I’ve got my plan for the week. When I wake up on Monday, I don’t have to think about it. All I have to do is look at my calendar for what I had already decided to do.

Then I have my evaluation hour. I love to do this Friday afternoon so I evaluate what worked, what didn’t work, and then I celebrate. I celebrate whatever success that I find in my week. So all you need to do right now is just decide where those two hours go on your calendar, what real estate do they get? It doesn’t really matter what it is, just decide and put it on your calendar. You could always change it. If it doesn’t work this week, you can change it for the next week.

So let’s dive into the planning hour. I’m going to give you a step by step of what you’re going to do during that hour. At the end of the hour, what you’re going to have is your entire schedule laid out for the whole next week. That is the result that you’re creating. You’re creating your weekly schedule in this one hour planning session.

Step One: Do a brain dump of all the things.

What are all the things that you want to do, that you think you should do, that you need to do? I want you to give yourself a good 10 to 15 minutes to get it all out of your brain and onto paper. Remember, your brain is not meant to store information. It’s meant to process it. So get it all out on paper so that you can see it. This is going to be a comprehensive holistic list for your entire life – not just your work stuff. So I want you to include everything on it. What do you want to do for the kids? What do you want to do for yourself or for your spouse? Include all the doctor’s appointments, the dentist appointments, orthodontist appointments. Everything. Keep asking yourself else. What else? What else? Until you feel like you’ve dumped it all out on paper.

Do not spend time editing here. We’ll do that part later. For now, you just want the list. If this is the first time that you’ve done this, your list is going to be pretty big. So I don’t want you to be freaked out about that. It’s totally normal and expected. You’ve never done this before so you have a lot of things that you’ve been using your brain to store and we’re getting it out of storage. So clean out all the back corners of the storage unit. Pick up all of the boxes, open them all up, get all of the stuff out where you can see it.

Step Two: Edit and clean up the list.

I want you to look at that list that you created. As a human with agency, you get to say yes or no to every single item on the list. You’re going to make those decision to cross off anything that you don’t want to do, and that your 100% okay with the consequence of saying no to or not doing. So step number two is to edit and clean up the list.

Step Three: Prioritize the list from one to ten (or however many items you have on your list).

What is most important down to what is the least important? If there’s a project that’s due this week, it should probably be at the top of the list.

And here’s something else. Not everything on the list is going to get scheduled for the coming week. So don’t freak yourself out and think that everything on this list now has to go into the next seven days. We’ll schedule the entire list, but some of the things may be on the calendar for next week or next month or next quarter. Right now all you need to do is decide what’s most important, give it number one and then number two, and so on down the line until everything that’s left on your cleanup edited list has a priority number assigned to it. That’s step number three.

Step Four: Decide how much time you’re going to allocate to completing each item on that list.

So you’re assigning a time value to each of the things on the list. And what that means is you’re telling yourself that this is the amount of time that I’m giving myself to complete it. So now you can pause for a second. I want you to look at the list and see if you need to maybe chunk some of the bigger things down into some micro steps. For instance, if you had a project on the list and you just put a project, maybe there are four or five steps that need to be completed in order to get the project done. I want you to take the time to list out the micro steps of all of the things that you need to do to complete the project. This is going to give you a way better gauge of how long it should take you to complete that thing.

And then what you do is you assign a time value to each one of the micro steps. This is the best way to get a really good gauge on time. Chunk out any of the bigger items on the list, into the micro steps, assign a time value to every single item and then all you need to do is put it all on the calendar, right?

Step Five: Put it on your calendar

You already prioritized everything so you can put things on the calendar in priority order. And put them on there with a specific date and the time value that you already gave in the last step. You might notice that some of those things are not going to fit into this week and that’s okay. They’re going to have to get real estate on next week’s calendar or the week after.

While you’re adding stuff to your calendar, I want you to take advantage of the magic time that I taught you about last week. You have those buckets of time already in your schedule. I want you to take the things that are going to require the most of your brain that are the most important and schedule those into your magic magic time buckets. This is where we’re filling in the detail of the magic time buckets by exactly what you’re going to complete in that time. Again, think about really important things, things that are high priority, not necessarily urgent, but things that are going to move your work and life forward and move you closer to your goals. After you do this, you’re going to see that everything that’s on your list is on the calendar. It all has a time. It’s all going to get done.

This is going to settle your brain down and you’re never going to have to ask yourself the question, “How am I possibly going to get this done?” If your boss came to you )or maybe you’re your own boss) and they asked your, “When is this project going to be completed?” All you have to do is call up your calendar and see when the very last step is done and give them the exact date and time. That is amazing. That is so different than the way most people approach their life in getting things done. I hear people say this all the time, I just don’t know when it will get done as if they’re not in control of the answer of that.

You’re 100% in control. All you have to do is schedule for it. Just plan for it.

Step Six: Follow your plan.

Now here is the challenge. I want you to not make any adjustments or changes outside of this planning hour to the schedule for the next week. When you go to your planning hour for the next week, that’s when you can make changes. But after this planning hour is done, your schedule is set. This is the way that it’s going to go down over your week. This is where the real challenge is and where most productivity and planning systems break down. They don’t teach you the skill of follow through because that skill is created through cultivating a productive mindset. Most people don’t know how to do this but that is exactly why I’m doing this work and this is why what I do with my clients is different than what most other people do in the world in terms of time management and productivity. This is where my life coach training fills in the gap. It completes the circle and adds that missing ingredient. So for now, just know that this is the last step of the planning hour. The follow through. And if you find yourself really struggling with this one, I’ve got you. I’m going to do a podcast episode soon, all about it.

At the end of your planning hour, your entire week and parts of future weeks will be scheduled. Okay? That’s the goal of the planning hour. You get everything out of your brain, you assign it a time value and a date. It goes onto your schedule. You know where and when everything is going to be done.

What’s the second most important hour of your week?

Now the second most important hour of your week is the evaluation and celebration hour. You’re going to do just that. You’re going to evaluate and celebrate, but in a very specific way.

For the evaluation piece, you’re going to analyze the schedule that you created for yourself at the end of the week and you’re going to ask yourself how well it worked. Was it really effective in the way that you planned? You’re going to ask yourself these questions to find the answer to that:

+ What worked.

+ What didn’t work.

+ What did I learn?

+ What will I do differently next week?

These questions are important because your schedule, just like you, is a work in progress and you’re never going to figure out the ideal formula without evaluating it each week. Figuring out what actually worked really well and what didn’t, and making those refinements and those tweaks to create that blueprint that works exactly for you.

You and your life are unique and so your ideal schedule will also be unique. It’s going to be individualized to you and your specific needs and your specific life. That’s why it really doesn’t make sense to just send out a blueprint, a template for a schedule that would work for everybody. It doesn’t work that way because the schedule is a reflection of you and the life that you want to live.

Now the second piece to this hour is to celebrate. If you’re a high achieving woman, you’re just like me, and what we tend to do is we achieve a lot and then we just kind of run past the winds and the things that we create and we don’t stop and recognize or celebrate what we had actually achieved.

So I want you to find three wins in your week. What felt amazing? What did you love? What did you do or accomplish that blew your own mind? Once you have your three wins, I want you to really just celebrate yourself for those wins. Recognize how amazing and what a bad ass you really are, and then celebrate yourself with something amazing. My coach recently asked me to create a list of 20 things that I could do to celebrate my accomplishments, and it was such a fun exercise that I’ve now added it into my program. So I want you to try it out. I want you to make a list of 20 ways that you can celebrate when you hit your goals or you accomplish all the things you set out to.

For me, it’s things like an extra long walk with my dog, It’s going to a yin yoga class. It’s taking an afternoon off in the middle of the week. It’s giving myself some extra white space or going to a coffee shop and getting a really special coffee or maybe even going shopping for an hour or two. Think about all the ways that you could celebrate yourself. Some of them will take you more time than others. Some of them will cost money, some of them won’t but the whole idea here is that you take a second to pause, that you recognize how amazing you really are, and celebrate the wins that you created during your week.

This is going to make scheduling even more fun and it’s going to light up your brain a little bit because you’re going to be thinking about, “Oh my gosh, that was amazing that I just did that. I get to celebrate myself on Friday or on Saturday” So this hour is really an opportunity to learn so that you can make refinements to your weekly schedule.

These two hours of your week should be included as part of your non-negotiables. Go add them into your schedule right now as recurring weekly appointments with yourself and go plan, evaluate and celebrate this week and see what amazingness you can create by just adding these two hours into your weekly schedule.

If all of this makes sense, but you want my help in showing you exactly what to schedule, how to do it, and how to follow through for your own personal individual situation, you need to grab a free productivity booster session with me. In this session. I’m going to take you through a process that’s designed just for you. I will show you exactly what’s not working and how to fix it. If you want to grab one of these, all you need to do is click here.

If you’re loving what you’re learning on this podcast, please subscribe, rate and review it by clicking here. Alright, have a beautiful, productive, unbusy week my friends! I’ll see you next time.

Unbusy Your Life | Episode 10 |The 4 Types of Time You Should Be Scheduling But Probably Aren’t

Welcome to episode 10 everyone. I’m so excited and grateful that you’re here with me. I can’t believe we’re at double digits already. I might’ve mentioned before that I really felt like creating this podcast and bringing it to life and putting it out into the world was almost like birthing another child. Here my child is already 10 in double digits. It’s happening so fast. So today in the spirit of moving forward, I’m going to teach you about four different types of time that you should be scheduled into your weekly calendar, but you probably aren’t. The most likely reason why you aren’t including these types of time is because you didn’t even know about them. But that’s what I’m going to teach you today and here’s why they’re important:

These four types of time are going to help you with creating higher production, meaning that you’re either going to get more done or you’re going to get all the things done in less time.

You’re going to create a schedule that is resilient and can handle the unexpected. We’ve just been put into a situation where there is so much unexpected and things that we can’t plan for it. This is going to really help you with that.

It also helps you solve problems in your life. You probably didn’t know that a schedule could do that, right? Well, today I’m going to show you how that’s absolutely true.

This sounds pretty amazing, I would imagine. Right? So let’s dive right in.

The very first type of time that I have my clients schedule into their week is called magic time. Now, I’ve referenced this and talked about it a little bit on the podcast before, but I’m going to dive back into it and really teach you a little bit deeper about what this is. Probably the reason that you’ve never heard about magic before is because it’s something that I created just based on my experience and my work with my clients. All it is is it’s focused deep work time. So I like to have my client schedule this into their calendars every single day. But if you’re first starting out, maybe scheduling in one or two blocks in your week so that you can see the power of it. I promise you if you practice this and you just try it for a while, even if it’s just one or two blocks in your week, you’re going to want to schedule it in every single day because of the power of what you can get done.

Here’s what it looks like: ]It’s a one to two hour block of time and it’s going to go into your calendar during what I call your magic zone. As humans, we have a time during the day where our brain is functions at a higher capacity. They’re just more energetic. Now you probably know what that time is for you. For me, it’s the morning time and that is common for most people, but I actually have a couple of clients who are a little bit different and they’re most energetic time is in the afternoon or the evening. So I want you to consider dumping this bucket of time into your calendar. Right now it’s just a place holder in your calendar. We’ll fill in the details of that later, but for now it’s going to be a bucket of time on your calendar during the time of day where you’re the most energetic and again, it’s a one to two hour block of time.

Now there’s a couple of rules for how you use magic time and here’s what those rules are. Number one, I want you to schedule it during your magic zone, which is the time of day where your brain is the most energetic, where you notice that maybe you get into a creative flow state really easily. And then the second rule is that there can be no distractions. So that means office door is closed and the phone is turned off. There are no notifications popping up anywhere to take your attention away from what the work that you’re doing during your magic time. Here’s how you can think about it: Remember when you were in high school or college and you’d have an exam? You are going to be taking an exam during that time.

There’s something that you’re going to be focused on that you have to complete during that time and it has to be done at the end of it. So if you’re in class and you have a limited amount of time to complete that test, remember how you just get completely in the zone and completely focused?That’s the way that I want you to approach these time buckets in your schedule for this magic time.

Let me tell you a quick side story. I was able to create this podcast in a three week period of time and one of those weeks I was gone out of the country on family vacation. This wasn’t something that I originally had on my calendar for February, but because I had these magic time buckets already programmed into my schedule, I knew for sure that I’d be able to handle it. I’d be able to get it done and I did. And that’s what’s so powerful about including this type of time into your weekly routine. When you start doing this and you have these magic time buckets in your schedule, I think what you’re going to realize is that you may get more done in that one block of time in your day than you do in the whole rest of the day. So as you think about how much you can get done if the most important things on your list are constrained to that time block. That’s the other thing about magic time. You are putting the things that are important in that time, not the things like email responses or Slack.

These are thing that are really going to require more of your brain. That’s what you would have put in those buckets. So first type of time you’re going to add into your schedule for the week is your magic time.

The second type of time is what I call buffer or overflow time. So what this time is designed to do is to help you manage the unexpected, which is going to happen as a working mom, right? So there’s going to be a day when the kids get sick that you didn’t anticipate there’s going to be a Corona Virus happening in the world, which none of us anticipated, right? So for my clients who have this already programmed into their schedule, their schedules will already a little bit Corona Cirus proofed because we had some of this time already in there for what they couldn’t have planned for or for what they couldn’t have expected.

Now, at the time that I am recording this, we are in the middle of the Corona Virus. There’s still a lot of changes that are coming at us every single day. That’s happening pretty quickly still. So what you may want to do if you’re listening to this podcast, while we’re still in this phase, is to increase these buckets to give yourself a little extra time. Now, here’s the thing. This is designed to help you make your schedule resilient so that you have the ability to tackle things that you hadn’t anticipated, but I also want you to balance it and not use it as a crutch. What I have you do is schedule things to be completed, but I don’t want you to use this as a crutch. Don’t use that overflow time in a way to not complete tasks in the time you said you were going to complete them.

I really want you to try and constrain this amount of time in your schedule as much as possible. Right now we are in a different situation where there are things coming at us that we can’t anticipate, so it’s okay to have those blocks of time in there to really insulate your schedule from that.

Here’s the other thing that I know a lot of my clients use this time for. It’s for finishing up any emails or just closing up shop at the end of the day. A lot of my clients like to have maybe like a 30 minute chunk at the end of the day so that they can just feel like they’ve closed everything up. They’ve taken care of everything and they can just leave the office or leave work and not feel like it’s coming home with them. Do you know what I mean? This is the instance where you’re you’re going home but you’re thinking about all the things that you didn’t get done in your day and that you need to probably schedule in for tomorrow.

Close a loop on all of that so that when you are at home with your family, you’re at home with your family, being a mom, being a wife, having your off time,be really clean and separate from your work time.

Okay, so now you’re going to have your magic time buckets and you’re going to have your buffer or overflow time buckets already in your schedule. These are things that are going to stay in your schedule. It’s almost like you could set them up when you put them in your electronic calendar. If you’re using that, you can just make them recurring appointments every single week.

The third type of time is what I call thinking time. Now you’re probably thinking that this is weird that I have people schedule time to think, but it’s so important and here’s why. When you set aside time to think, you get to problem solve for yourself. I want you to think about your brain as the ultimate, most powerful Google machine.

You could literally type anything into your brain and do a search and your brain will return answers to you. That is how powerful it is, but in order to do this you have to set aside a time to be able to do the Google search in your own brain. Now, I think what happens is we all under utilize the amazing power that is our brain because we kind of get into this habit of looking outside of ourselves for answers. We’re kind of trained to do this. If you think about the way that the school system is set up, if we have a problem we are trained go ask the teacher for the answer or we go ask someone else to help us to find the answer. So our natural inclination once we get to adulthood, is to just find the answer from someone or something else, instead of thinking about how we can answer our questions and solve our own problems for ourselves.

Have you ever had a thought like this? “I wish I could just go away to a deserted Island by myself or go to a cabin by myself for a couple days or a long weekend.” Do you know why you have that? It’s because for most of us, we are thinking that this would be an opportunity for us to decompress or have time to process. The cool thing? Scheduling in thinking time is a way for you to have that every single week for yourself. What’s really happening on the Island when there’s no one around you to distract you? You’re thinking, right? Not only are you thinking, but you’re aware of what you’re thinking because there’s nothing else around you distracting you or taking you away from what your thoughts are.

So this thinking time is really like your deserted island time. It’s your time for you to observe what’s going on in your brain, to give yourself a really high quality question, and let your brain return answers to that question in order to pose a problem to your brain and let it come up with all of the solutions.

Now I like to do this kind of thinking time in a couple of different ways. I actually like to go for a walk and let my brain just answer any question that I pose to it or come up with solutions to a problem that I’m working on. So for instance, I will pose a question to my brain and then go for a walk and just record whatever answers or whatever wisdom I come up with from my own self into my phone as I’m walking.

So some of the questions that I like to ask myself right now are:

+ What is the next best money-making action for my business?

+ What do my clients need to hear from me most? This question has been pivotal over the last couple of weeks and it’s the reason that I’ve recorded the last three podcast episodes that have been released is because my brain gave me the answers to that question.

+ What is the next best action I can take to move myself closer to my goal?

That last one is a great question because I think sometimes when we’re thinking about goals or we’ve set big goals for ourselves, the goal seems so far away. We get stuck and we don’t take any action. So when you bring it back down with a question, your brain will give you an answer. It will probably give you five or 10 answers and then you know how to get yourself out of that stuck place and moving forward.

You can look at any problem that you have in your life or that you’re struggling with and ask yourself how someone else might solve that problem and get the answer. Or you might ask yourself, if you had already solved this problem, what would that solution look like? I think you will literally be amazed at how many answers and solutions you could come up with on your own. It is such a gift to be able to give to yourself. So if you’re looking for a way to bolster or beef up your self care routine, add in this thinking time into your weekly schedule.

All right, so the last type of time that I want you to consider scheduling into your week is called white space.

And white space is just like white noise. Have you ever set up a white noise machine for your kids at night to drown out all of the other noises? It’s so calming. White space in your schedule is exactly the same thing. It’s where there’s literally nothing scheduled. It’s nothing time. What’s amazing about it, is it gives you the luxury to be able to choose to do whatever you want to do in this time. I love the idea of doing things that bring you joy that you maybe don’t schedule into your everyday. Maybe something like a massage (which right now may not be possible), time to read, or time to lay around on the couch. Or maybe this is your time to binge on your recent Netflix obsession. Maybe it’s time for a nap. I have one block of this scheduled on Sunday afternoon where I do a Yogi nap that is called yoga nidra.

If you’ve never heard that term, you can just Google or YouTube it, but it is amazing. For me, it’s rejuvenating, it feels nourishing andit feels luxurious. This is just one of the things that I don’t have scheduled every single day necessarily, but it is something that I know I can always go to in my white space. That just feels amazing. Other times I may just sit and read in my bed. Have I mentioned how much I really love my bed? Now that might sound funny, but it’s a Tempurpedic and to me it’s the ultimate luxury. This is how I want you to think about your white space. It’s a guilty pleasure. It’s an indulgence. It’s something that you’ve gifted yourself because it makes you feel good and you delight in it.

It should feel like a luxury. What is it that you would be excited to have on your schedule? One really great question that you can use to figure this out is to ask yourself is, “If there was plenty of time for everything, what would I be doing that I’m not doing now?” Whatever the answer to that is, think about adding that to your list of things that you might do during your white space.

Remember, your white space is for you. It’s your reward, it’s your celebration of time. It’s the luxury time that you are gifting yourself.

Now, all four of these types of time have a very specific purpose, but what’s important about them is that they all work together to help you create a schedule that supports the life you really want to live.

So here’s your homework for this week. I want you to consider scheduling in one block of each of these types of time and see what changes for you. What do you notice that is different? Are you more purposeful? Do you feel less overwhelmed? Do you feel more accomplished? Do you feel supported by the schedule that you created for yourself? I promise you it will feel different than before you had these types of time in your schedule. So go out and take care of yourself and your schedule. Create a schedule that is balancing your life and everything that you want. Have an amazing, beautiful, unbusy week everyone. I’ll talk to you next week.

If you’re loving what you’re learning on this podcast, please subscribe, rate and review it by clicking here.

09: 12 Ways To Take Care of Yourself That Don’t Require Extra Time

Welcome to Episode Number Nine everyone! I’m so excited and super grateful that you’re here with me today. As I mentioned last week, I’ve rerecorded the next several weeks of episodes for content that I think is super relevant to you and what I’m seeing from my clients that you all need my help with right now. So today what I want to talk to you about is self care. 

Click here to listen to the full episode.

Now, if you haven’t listened to the show before, I do have an entire episode on scheduling time in for non-negotiables that support your priorities. You can go back and check out that episode and I recommend that you do. It’s Episode Number Two called, “Scheduling for Who and What is Most Important.” This is still important information and something that I want you to be doing with your schedule. But here’s what I see happening with some of my clients. I feel like there’s so many things to take care of right now that they can’t possibly take care of themselves, so they’re just not following through on the self care plans that they’ve made. 

I want to encourage you not to do this. Really taking care of yourself is the most important thing that you can do to support yourself, your kids, your family, your work, all of it. If you’re not in peak performance mode, then everyone and everything else around you is not going to be there either.

But since so many of you think that it’s just not possible to do your same self care routine that you did before everything happened with Corona Virus, I wanted to do a special episode where I teach you about 12 things that you can do to take care of yourself that require little to no time at all. I want to show you in this episode that you really can be a priority and it doesn’t have to mean two hours at the gym or hours of yoga and meditation or even a bubble bath every night. Now, if you have these things in your schedule, I love it and I want you to continue to do that. But I want you to also consider adding in some of the things from this list that I’m going to teach you today as well. So let’s go ahead and dive into 12 things you can do to take care of yourself that don’t require any more time.


Breathe. Take deep calming breaths and focus on your breath to calm you down when you notice you’re feeling overwhelmed or frustrated or irritated, any of those things..

Now I’m not a certified Yogi, but I do consider myself a Yogi in the sense that I’ve practiced yoga for the last several years and right now I’m practicing it every single day. Here’s one of the things that I’ve learned through my own experience and practice with other yogis. The way that you breathe can either energize you or calm you down. So if you notice that you’re feeling really overwhelmed or just anxious, what you can do is stop for a second and just focus on your breath. Try to inhale for a count of three and then exhale for a count of four or five or six. That is calming to the body. So try that. Just breathe. Or if nothing else, just focus on your breathing. Pay attention to your breathing when you’re in your day.


Drink water. That sounds pretty obvious, right? But what I see happening is for some of us, we’re taking the most basic things that we know to take care of ourselves and we’re forgetting to do them. So water is energizing and sometimes I think we forget the power it has on our body. So here’s something I want you to remember.: Most of us have clean drinking water. That is such a gift y’all. We have clean drinking water. Our water supply is not contaminated. We have this most powerful thing available to us and I want you to take advantage of it. So if you even need to set an alarm on your phone to remind you to drink water every hour, do that. But keep yourself hydrated so that you can keep your energy levels high and you can keep sustaining yourself throughout the day.


Listen to your body. What I mean by that is when you need to go to the bathroom, go. Now this might sound really funny and odd even, but I was teaching at a VIP leadership retreat a couple of months ago and we got into this discussion with the women who were in that group about how we put off going to the bathroom. Like we hold it and we think, “Okay, I’ll just do this one last thing and then I’ll go” or “I’ll just get one more email sent and then I’ll go.” So we end up not paying attention to our bodies. Our bodies are trying to tell us that it needs something and we are ignoring the cues. So I want you to just pay attention to your body and listen to what it needs. If you need to go to the restroom, go to the restroom and you don’t have to bring your phone with you or your computer into the restroom.

That was the other thing that came out in that retreat. A lot of people think because they don’t have enough time that they need to bring their phone into the bathroom with you. You don’t have to do that.


I want you to consider looking outside. So take your gaze away from your computer monitor or whatever you’re focusing on and just look outside and look at nature. Find something in nature that is really beautiful or maybe you hadn’t paid attention to before, that’s inspiring. Right now we’re in the springtime and in my neighborhood I’m so blessed to have wildlife and nature all around me and I wake up in the morning and as I’m doing my self care practice I can hear the birds chirping and I love that sound. It makes me so happy. It reminds me even that nature is still turning. Nature is still doing its thing.

It has not stopped because Corona Virus is in the world. The birds are still doing their thing. They’re chirping, they’re building their nest. They’re going to lay eggs and have babies. The world is continuing and that is such a comfort to me and such a blessing when I think about it that way.


Do a brain dump. Now, if you haven’t heard me talk about this before, all it really is is taking a few minutes. It can be even five to 10 minutes each day. Take everything that’s happening in your brain, like all of the stuff that you’re thinking, all those sentences that are kind of running around and clouding your brain, and put them out on paper. Your brain was not designed to be a storage unit. Although, that’s what a lot of us have decided to try and use it for, right? I want you to get it all out of your brain and onto a piece of paper.

Once you do that, you’re going to feel a little less overwhelmed. You’re going to feel a little bit lighter and more clear, and you’re going to have opened up some space for your brain to do its thing. What it’s designed to do is process information – not store it. So take some time every single day, or if you notice that you’re feeling really anxious or you’re feeling really overwhelmed or you’re just like stuck and you can’t move yourself forward, take that opportunity to take just a few minutes and dump out whatever is going on in your brain onto a piece of paper. That’s where you start to see what’s happening in there. You get to start being the observer of your thoughts instead of being your thoughts. There’s a big difference between those two things, so dump it all out onto a piece of paper so that you open up some space in your brain so it can function the way that it’s supposed to.


Follow your plan. If you make a plan, I want you to consider following it. This is one of the kindest things that you can do for yourself, especially during this time. Now, if you do the planning the way that I teach you, you’re basically setting up your schedule. You have a planning hour each week and you set up your schedule for the entire week in that planning hour, and what that does is it constrains all of your decisions to what you’re doing in your day to that one hour. I want you to think about that. If you do that for yourself, it means that you have a eliminated so many decisions that you used to make in your day. You’ve decided them all in a one hour block of time. You don’t have to make any more decisions about what’s next on your schedule or what you need to do.

It’s all laid out for you and all you have to do is follow it. Just rely on the plan. Give yourself the gift of relying on that plan that you set up for yourself. Here’s something else. Your plan and your schedule may look a little bit different than it did before everything happened with Corona Virus. I want to tell you that that’s totally fine. The way that I teach my clients is to create a schedule and a plan that is resilient, that ebbs and flows with life and the things that happen in life. I had a client this week, in fact tell me that she wanted me to help her refine her schedule because she found out she’s pregnant, which is amazing news, but she wanted to pregnancy proof her schedule, which I found adorable. What that really meant was giving herself some extra time in the morning because her body just doesn’t feel as energized in the morning right now. Then scheduling in a daily afternoon nap so that she can rest her body and get back to her life after that. So I want you to think about maybe even applying this pregnancy proofing of your schedule to the Corona Virus situation. I had another client where we decided to add in extra blocks of time each day for whatever it was that was going to come into her world that she couldn’t even plan for it because things are happening so fast with a Corona virus. She was feeling like she couldn’t keep up. She couldn’t keep her normal schedule and keep up with all of the new things that were coming into her world. So we literally adjusted her schedule to accommodate for that. So she has a block in the morning and a block in the afternoon where she can feel supported from her schedule to be able to take care of any of that stuff that came her way, that she couldn’t really plan for. She could plan for the fact that something was going to come into her world, but she didn’t know exactly what it was. So we just put time blocks into her schedule to give her the space for that.


I want you to consider extending yourself some extra grace and compassion during this time. Kids are home. Maybe you’re working from home for the first time. There’s humans all around 24/7. There’s more distractions. I want you to be really compassionate with yourself and how you’re feeling about all of it. I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten irritated much more easily right now, but what I’ve decided is to not get upset with myself about it, to not beat myself up about it. I’m extending myself some extra grace and compassion for this situation. I know that the reason that I’m irritated is because I’m thinking irritating thoughts like they shouldn’t be home all the time. He shouldn’t keep coming into my office distracting me. I know it’s okay to feel irritated. It’s just one of the human emotions and since I’m a human, I can experience it. I want you to consider giving yourself this grace as well.

If you’re feeling frustrated, if you’re feeling stressed out, if you’re feeling irritated or annoyed like I was, it’s okay. You can feel that way and not get upset with yourself or judge yourself for feeling that way. The reason that you’re feeling that way is just because you’re thinking something and that is okay. That’s part of the human experience.


Surrender to the 50/50 of this experience. If you haven’t heard me talk about this before, this is one of the pivotal things that I learned from my own master coach, Brooke Castillo. I used to be that person who thought that the goal in life was to be happy all the time,. That’s really what I strove for for years and years and years. Of course I never achieved it, but when she told me that life is actually supposed to be 50% great and amazing and happy and joyful, but then 50% of the time it’s supposed to feel like ass, it relieved so much pressure for me. I want you to remember that during this time, that 50% of the time it’s going to be great and amazing and 50% of the time it’s going to be awful. You’re going to feel irritated. You’re going to feel frustrated maybe or stressed out or overwhelmed. Here’s what’s true: We as humans experience the world with our emotions. So get in the habit right now. This is a great opportunity for you to dive into the work of just feeling your feelings. Whatever emotion is coming up, just check in with yourself. Use it as an opportunity to get really good about understanding what’s happening for you in your body in terms of what your emotions are.


Create a gratitude practice. Some of you may already do this. I do this as part of my own morning self coaching work, but I’ve also been reminding myself of the abundance that is present in my life right now throughout my day. The way that I’m looking at it is, “I have an abundance of time with my son and my husband.” Going back to the 50/50 – sometimes I’m super excited and grateful about that and some of the times I’m like, I wish it would go back to normal and they wouldn’t be around so much. Right? But I am grateful for this time that I get to have with them that I didn’t have before. I’m so grateful for the abundance of health that all of my self and my family has right now. I’m so grateful for the abundance of clean drinking water and for food to be able to nourish our bodies right now. I’m so grateful for the amazing weather that we’ve had and being able to get outside and go for a walk, or at least feel the sun on my skin.

Here’s something else that I’ve really been recognizing that I’m so grateful for: People are being so kind and helpful. I see people helping other people in ways that never would have happened in the world, had Corona Virus not come into our experience. And I’m so grateful for seeing all of these things.

So what are you grateful for? Maybe ask yourself in the morning when you first get up to find three to five things that you’re so grateful for right now that maybe you didn’t even recognize you were grateful for before.


Play soothing, calming music. So this can be playing in the background while you’re going about your day – maybe while you’re working, maybe while you’re preparing meals for your family, maybe while you’re doing the laundry, whatever. But soothing, calming music is really a great way to just settle down your brain. I like the Classical Relaxation Radio station on Pandora. My son and I listen to that a lot. We turn it on when we’re doing homework and we turn it on when we’re sitting down to do our reading time together. It’s just such a nice calming background music. But then I also really love another station called the Hipster Cocktail Radio Station. It’s also on Pandora. I love to turn this on when I want just a little bit more energy and it has such a cool vibe.

It has some really great older music and I love it. It’s kind of my dinner making music. Do you know what I’m talking about? Like some of you have this ritual probably where you pour a glass of wine and you turn on some music. I don’t do the wine anymore, but for sure I’ve been turning on that music and it just makes my dinner preparation and kind of that time of the day a little bit more fun and a little bit more energizing. So turn on some music.


Light a candle or use a diffuser in your office or any room of your house. Depending on where you live in the country or in the world, maybe just open up the windows. Like I said earlier, we’ve been having this amazing, beautiful spring weather in Spokane where I live so I’ve just been opening up all the windows and letting all of the gorgeous warm spring air come in. That to me is so energizing. I love it. But if that’s not available to you, maybe light a candle that you really enjoy the scent of, or set up a diffuser in your office or in your living room or in your kitchen.


This is the last one on the list. I want you to pay attention to your inputs. When I say inputs, I’m talking about what you’re inputting into your brain every day. I want you to make sure that you’re inputting into your brain things that are serving you, that you’re listening to motivating and uplifting podcasts and maybe books on audible. My master coach Brooke Castillo has this rule that if you’re going to listen to like maybe an hour of the news, then you have to offset that with at least an hour, if not more of some positive podcasts or webinars or books. And I would say right now especially that you may want that ratio to be one to two so that you’re doubling the good stuff and it’s completely overriding any of the hysteria or the chaos or the bad stuff that you’re getting from the news or maybe even your Facebook or Instagram feed. I listen to several podcasts a week. I have to admit, I’m a bit of a podcast junkie, but I’m also reading a book right now called The Surrender Experiment.

I just feel like this book came into my world at exactly the right time. Do you know what I’m talking about? Where it’s just so pertinent and it’s just helping me look at what happens in the world that I can’t control in such a different way. It’s really helping me think about how I can lean into this experience of Corona Virus and use it for my good. So what is it for you? What do you want to be putting into your brain that’s uplifting or inspirational?

I can guarantee you this: If you subscribe to this podcast every single week, you’re going to get something good that you can put into your brain and that you can start implementing into your daily and weekly life to make it better.

I promise you that. But I also want you to consider adding in some other stuff too. What else could you be listening to, could you be putting into your mind every day that’s going to help you become even better at being you?

So there you go. 12 things that you can do to help take care of yourself during this time that literally take at most, 10 minutes a day. I want you to go out and do that this week. Don’t give yourself the excuse that you don’t have time for it. Don’t let that sneaky brain of yours tell you that there’s too much to do!

It’s simply not true. Take at least one thing from this list and apply it to your daily routine and if you still need more help, I’ve got you. I’ve opened up some more slots for free sessions in my schedule. All you need to do is go to www.neilwilliams.com to schedule yours. I want you to take advantage of any opportunity that you can over the next 30 to 60 to 90 days to improve yourself and your mindset during this time. I want you to ask yourself this question. How can you use this time to come out the other side, a changed woman, a more deliberate and conscious woman who’s carefully curating the schedule and the life she really wants to live. The best way to do this is to work with a coach. So go grab your free session with www.neilwilliams.com

Have a beautiful unbusy week everyone. Go take care of yourself.

Talk to you next week. And if you’re loving what you are learning on this podcast each week, please subscribe, rate and review it on Apple Podcasts.

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