Byron Katie teaches us that we can argue with what is but we will lose 100% of the time.
Many of us (me included) spend time arguing with our emotions. This looks like all of the shouldnt’s that run around in our brains every day. I shouldn’t be feeling
But when we tell ourselves these things, we are resisting what is. Because as a human we are actually supposed to feel all of these emotions. And resistance only makes it grow stronger. It gives the emotion more energy and perpetuates it. You won’t actually feel better by resisting your emotions, it just doesn’t work.
Think about trying to push a beach ball under water. You can push and push but at some point, the ball comes flying back out of the water under the pressure. The same is true when we resist our emotions. We make them bigger and feel even worse by trying to resist them. And at some point you will end up reacting to them which could look like yelling at your kids or your spouse or overreacting to another person or situation.
I have spent most of my life using this coping mechanism (along with avoidance which we will tackle next week). It is one that I developed as a child and I just carried it into adulthood with me. It took working with a coach for me to see this connection. But here’s what’s so powerful about that.
Now that I know, I can’t unknow it.
And that means that I now have the control and authority to change it.
And because of this I don’t beat myself up for the feelings that I’m having. I let myself feel all of my feelings – good and bad. I have opened up the door to them and let them in instead of putting locks on the doors and bars on the windows to try to keep them out. And the thing that’s so incredible about this is that they no longer seem so big or scary.
So if this is one of the emotional coping mechanisms that you have developed, here is a way for you to start to become one with what is instead of resisting it.
When you start to feel a negative emotion and you see yourself wanting to push it away, the first thing you want to do is name it. What is it that you are feeling? Then, I want you to visualize the emotion in your mind and imagine that it is knocking on your front door. Open the door and let it in. Offer to make a cup of tea and sit on the couch or the porch and just chat with it. Be with it.
Keep practicing this and what you will find is that those negative emotions aren’t so scary after all and that will make the resistance completely unnecessary. You will become emotionally stronger through this practice. And that is the key to getting whatever you want out of your life.
Go FEEL your feelings this week and practice building your emotional muscle.
Are you ready to stop arguing with what is so you can make the change to your life that you really want? The first step is always awareness. And you probably already know what you want to change, you just don’t know how to get there. I want to offer to invite you to join me in a FREE 30 Minute Consult Call (click here to sign up) where we will dive into what’s not working in your life right now, what you want to change most, and how our work together will be the bridge you’ve been looking for to get you there. The key is to uplevel your emotional life because what’s true is that our emotions are the fuel for everything we do or don’t do. So when you learn how to create exceptional emotional health for yourself, you will create an exceptional life.