Resisting That Bad Feeling Only Makes You Feel Worse – Here’s Why

Byron Katie teaches us that we can argue with what is but we will lose 100% of the time.

Many of us (me included) spend time arguing with our emotions. This looks like all of the shouldnt’s that run around in our brains every day. I shouldn’t be feeling

anxious

worried

sad

overwhelmed

guilty

doubt

fear

anger

envy

But when we tell ourselves these things, we are resisting what is. Because as a human we are actually supposed to feel all of these emotions. And resistance only makes it grow stronger. It gives the emotion more energy and perpetuates it. You won’t actually feel better by resisting your emotions, it just doesn’t work.

Think about trying to push a beach ball under water. You can push and push but at some point, the ball comes flying back out of the water under the pressure. The same is true when we resist our emotions. We make them bigger and feel even worse by trying to resist them. And at some point you will end up reacting to them which could look like yelling at your kids or your spouse or overreacting to another person or situation.

I have spent most of my life using this coping mechanism (along with avoidance which we will tackle next week). It is one that I developed as a child and I just carried it into adulthood with me. It took working with a coach for me to see this connection. But here’s what’s so powerful about that.

Now that I know, I can’t unknow it.

And that means that I now have the control and authority to change it.

And because of this I don’t beat myself up for the feelings that I’m having. I let myself feel all of my feelings – good and bad. I have opened up the door to them and let them in instead of putting locks on the doors and bars on the windows to try to keep them out. And the thing that’s so incredible about this is that they no longer seem so big or scary.

So if this is one of the emotional coping mechanisms that you have developed, here is a way for you to start to become one with what is instead of resisting it.

When you start to feel a negative emotion and you see yourself wanting to push it away, the first thing you want to do is name it. What is it that you are feeling? Then, I want you to visualize the emotion in your mind and imagine that it is knocking on your front door. Open the door and let it in. Offer to make a cup of tea and sit on the couch or the porch and just chat with it. Be with it.

Keep practicing this and what you will find is that those negative emotions aren’t so scary after all and that will make the resistance completely unnecessary. You will become emotionally stronger through this practice. And that is the key to getting whatever you want out of your life.

Go FEEL your feelings this week and practice building your emotional muscle.

Are you ready to stop arguing with what is so you can make the change to your life that you really want? The first step is always awareness. And you probably already know what you want to change, you just don’t know how to get there. I want to offer to invite you to join me in a FREE 30 Minute Consult Call (click here to sign up) where we will dive into what’s not working in your life right now, what you want to change most, and how our work together will be the bridge you’ve been looking for to get you there. The key is to uplevel your emotional life because what’s true is that our emotions are the fuel for everything we do or don’t do. So when you learn how to create exceptional emotional health for yourself, you will create an exceptional life.

It’s Not WHO You Are – It’s Just WHO You THINK You Are

I am . . .

If I asked you to finish this sentence, what would it look like? And how does that sentence make you feel about you? Is it WHO you WANT to be?

We create our identity through THOUGHTS about our past, our habits, our perceptions about what other people think about us and our current results. And when you think these thoughts long enough, they become your beliefs about who you are. The best way to find out what those thoughts and beliefs are is to finish the sentence “I am . . .”

Many of my clients come to me with these I ams.

A hot mess.

A train wreck.

Someone who can’t get her shit together.

Just a negative person.

A terrible Mom.

Not good enough.

Someone who doesn’t follow through.

Someone who doesn’t deserve what she really wants.

Just an unhappy person.

But what’s true is that these are just their THOUGHTS about who they are. And when they think this way about themselves guess who they become? That person. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

But here’s what’s amazing. Because we are the humans, we have been gifted with the power of choice. And what this means is that we get to choose to be someone different – anytime we want. And that someone different is created by believing something different about yourself.

So, WHO do you WANT to be? Do you know the answer to this? If yes, start practicing believing that you are this person now. And if it’s too much of a stretch to believe that you are this person now (and you know this is you if your brain totally rejects that it’s possible), try some of these softer thoughts on and see if they fit.

I’m learning to become a woman who . . .

I’m becoming the woman who . . .

It’s possible that I could become the woman who . . .

Here’s what my I am’s looked like 3 years ago, before I hired my first life coach.

I am stuck.

I am just a negative person.

I am a terrible Mom.

I am failing.

I am not good enough.

I knew that I wanted different I am’s but I didn’t know how to get there on my own. So, I hired a coach who could help me get the I ams I wanted – to become the woman WHO I WANTED TO BE. And now, 3 years later, I AM.

I am a human who experiences both negative and positive emotion and that’s exactly the way it’s supposed to be.

I am a coach.

I am the exact Mom my son is supposed to have.

I am the woman who decides what she wants and goes out and gets it, no matter what.

I am living a life that is an example of what is possible for other women, my clients, and my son.

And I love these I AM’s.

What are the I AM’s that you love? Choose them on purpose and go BE THEM.

P.S. If you want more help changing your “I am” story, I want to offer to invite you to join me on a FREE 30 Minute Consult Call (click here to get on my schedule). In this call we will dive into WHO you THINK you are right now, WHO you WANT to become, and how our work together is the bridge for that gap that you have been looking for. What I know to be true is that if you already knew how to cross this bridge, you would have already done it. You wouldn’t still be stuck on this side of it. The bridge to get you to the life that you really want is built and it’s been waiting for you. Are you ready to walk across it?

Emotional Pain Is Real – Here’s How You Can Use It For Your Good

Pain gets such a bad rap in our society that is addicted to feeling good all of the time. But as humans we are supposed to experience pain – both physical and emotional pain.

There is good that comes from both types of pain. Physical pain is a signal to the brain that there is something wrong. It tells us when there is something with our physical bodies that we need to pay attention to or take care of. It’s basically our self regulating system for taking care of our physical bodies. If you didn’t experience physical pain, you wouldn’t know that you were burning your hand in the fire or that you broke a bone. In this way, physical pain is for our good.

But what about emotional pain?

The first thing to know is that it’s a real thing. Emotions are sensations in our bodies that are created from our thinking. They actually begin in our brains and travel outward to our body. So when you are experiencing a really intense negative emotion you are experiencing emotional pain.

Think about when someone dies. We often talk about loss or grief in terms of heartbreak because it literally feels like our hearts are breaking. This is the physical sensation that the emotion of grief or sorrow or sadness has created in the physical body. And there is nothing wrong with it. It’s supposed to be there – that’s why we were programmed with these emotions in the first place.

The problem is when we get stuck in our emotional pain and can’t get ourselves out of it. This doesn’t just happen with emotions like sorrow and grief and sadness. For many of us, it’s emotions like anxiety and worry that we get stuck in and these feel just as terrible. And when we do things to try to cover them up or avoid them, we only make them bigger and more intense. So the best way to handle them is to actually FEEL them. If you allow your body to process the emotional pain, it will release much more quickly.

Here’s how to process emotional pain.

First, name the emotion that you are having. Is it sadness, grief, sorrow, anxiety, loss, fear, shame, worry? Be as specific as you can at identifying it. Then become aware of how it actually feels in your body. Once you understand what it is and how it feels, then you can start asking yourself these questions to gain a new perspective on it.

How can I use this pain?

How is this pain perfect right now?

How can I accept this with grace?

What can I do that comes from peace, is for me, and is not trying to change anything?

When you ask your brain great questions, it goes to work on finding great answers. These questions will help it seek out what is for your good in the emotional pain you are experiencing.

Many of my clients experience anxiety. And it does feel terrible. For me, it feels like a pit in my stomach and a heaviness and many of clients describe their anxiety sensation the same way. And when they come to me, they usually have tried everything they know to try to rid themselves of it. But many of these coping mechanisms have created other consequences that they don’t want – alcohol and drug addiction, being overweight, low productivity, disconnected relationships and debt are just a few. In every single case, they have not stopped to let themselves actually process the emotion – to actually FEEL the feeling they are having because nobody taught them how to do it or that it was even an option.

Now you know there is another way. A way that does not damage your physical body, your relationships, your career, or your financial life. It literally does not require anything except taking the time to become aware of it and letting it be present in your body until it passes through. That’s it.

Does this make sense intellectually but you want more help? If this is you, I want to offer to invite you to join me in a 30 minute Consult Call (click here) where we will dive even deeper into the emotional pain you are experiencing right now, what you want to feel consistently instead, and how to get there. All you need is a little help to move out of this state of stuckness and that’s what I’m here for – you don’t have to go it alone. This is what I know – if you knew how to do it, you would have already done it. So, CLICK HERE to grab your FREE 30 Minute Consult Call today. Every new beginning begins with another beginning’s end. Let this call be your new beginning to exceptional emotional health and an exceptional life.

The Feels Are Real So What Do I Do With Them?

The feelings that you feel are real. 

What you do with them is the reason that you have: 

the job or career you want or not, 

the relationships you want, or not, 

the amount of money you want, or not, 

the body that you want, or not,  

The future that you want, or not.

They are the reason for all of your current results.  And if you continue doing the same things with them that you have always done, you will continue to recreate the same results that you have always had.

There are three ways that most of us end up using our emotions against us.  We do these things because we have the mistaken belief that we are always supposed to be happy, that this is the goal for life.  But it’s not true.  And then when we feel stress, overwhelm, anxiety, fear, worry, doubt or any other of the flavors of negative emotions, we either resist the “bad” feelings, try to escape them with food or alcohol or money, or we react to them – like when we yell at our kids because we are frustrated.

The resisting, escaping, and reacting almost always lead us to actions that we really don’t want to be taking and results that we don’t want.  But it is just the way we have learned to “handle” our difficult emotions and when we run on default mode, we continue to do the same things that we have always done before.

So, here’s a different way to handle your emotions.  FEEL THEM.

Yes, there is a fourth way to deal with your emotions and it requires that you actually feel them  – process them all the way through your body.  And this way of handling them, leaning into them, is the key to getting anything you want in life. Because if you are willing and able to feel any emotion, you won’t let anything get in your way of achieving your goals. Not fear, not doubt, not other people’s opinions – none of these will stop you.

In last week’s blog post, So What Is A Feeling Anyway? and companion video training, I taught you what a feeling actually is – that it’s just a sensation in your body and lasts for about two minutes.  So, to FEEL your feelings instead of resisting, escaping, or reacting to them requires that you sit with an uncomfortable physical sensation for about two minutes.  That’s it.

Consider the impact of learning this skill.

Instead of yelling at your kids when you are frustrated, you can take a deep breath.

Instead of giving into the urge for the sugary snack to comfort yourself in the moment, you can stick to your food plan.

Instead of reacting to the feelings of overwhelm and stress, you can allow them to be there and still get on with your day and throw away your to do list – because you got it all done.

Instead of arguing with your husband because you are annoyed at him for forgetting to take out the trash, again, you can ask him how his day was and enjoy a pleasant conversation and connect with him.

Instead of ignoring those negative feelings and letting them build up inside you until you explode at some unsuspecting person, you can let them flow through your body and build confidence in yourself that you can handle anything that comes your way.

This is one of the most important skills you can practice to become an emotional ninja.  And the better that you get at this, the more you will open yourself up to new experiences and opportunities, to things that have been nagging at you in the back of your mind but that you have been too scared or filled with doubt to pursue.  When you can feel your feelings, the limit is the sky for what you can do with your life.

P.S.  If you want more help creating exceptional emotional health so you can live an exceptional life and get exactly what you want, I want to invite you to join me for a FREE 30 Minute Consult Call.  In this call, we will dive into what you are struggling most with in terms of your emotions and what they are holding you back from getting.  Maybe it’s a new career, maybe it’s healing a relationship with a loved one, maybe it’s following though on your health goals that you set back in January, or maybe it’s just that you want to feel better more often in your day.  I can help you with all of it because the root of all of these issues is your emotional health.  All you need to do to take the very next step towards creating exceptional emotional health for your own life is to grab your FREE 30 Minute Consult Call by CLICKING HERE.  I only offer a few of these each week so make sure you grab yours today.

So, What Is A Feeling Anyway?

We spend so much of our energy trying to feel certain emotions – happiness, joy, confidence, love, and motivation and avoiding or resisting other emotions – the “bad” ones – sadness, fear, anxiety, overwhelm, stress. But what is an emotion or a feeling anyway?

A feeling is just a sensation in your body and generally it lasts for under two minutes at a time. Most of us don’t even know how our feelings feel in our body because we are so focused on getting to the “right” ones and escaping from the “wrong” ones that we are completely unaware of the physical sensation. And most of us can’t even name the feeling we are having in the first place because no one teaches us about emotions. It’s not like there is a class in school that teaches you about your feelings – what they are, how to process them, and what causes them.

So if I asked you what happiness actually feels like, could you answer the question? And if I asked you what overwhelm feels like – would you know? We are all unique and emotions feel different in each body so what happiness and overwhelm feel like for me are different from what they feel like for you.

For me, overwhelm is a heaviness in my chest, like a heavy weight bearing down on my shoulders. And happiness is a lightness in my entire body, like an opening up of my chest and heart. Every body is different so these will probably feel different for you. The point is to figure out how they feel in your own body.

Depending on which expert you consult, there are between 4 and 27 basic human emotions. A few of these on almost all the experts’ lists are anger, fear, disgust, happiness, sadness, surprise, contempt, joy, and excitement. But if you were to consult Webster, there are literally hundreds of words to describe human emotions. It’s like the colors of the rainbow. There are six basic colors but we have created thousands of variations on these basic ones.

So as a human, we are supposed to feel a range of emotions – the good and the bad. If you look at this list, there are more bad ones than there are good ones. You were programmed this way, for a reason. If we weren’t supposed to feel the negative emotions, we wouldn’t have this programming in the first place. It was designed to keep us safe back in the day, when our lives consisted of meeting our basic needs – food, water, and shelter. It was important for us to feel scared and fearful – so we would run when we encountered the tiger. But where many of us have gotten into a problem is with chasing the “good” feelings and the things we do to escape or buffer from the “bad” ones.

The feelings are real, whether you are conscious of them or not. But, if you stop for just a minute when you know you are having an emotion and do a quick body scan, you will begin to learn what each one feels like for you. And once you know what it is and how it feels, it’s not going to be so powerful and you begin to have control and authority over it. You won’t be so quick to get out of the “bad” ones or find immediate relief in getting to the “good” ones.

And what this could look like is not reaching for something to make you feel better in the moment – like food, alcohol, your credit card, or another human. And you might be able to linger in the good ones for just a little bit longer. To really feel how good the good ones feel in your body and deepen the sweetness of them. Today, go FEEL your feelings. Find out what it’s really like to experience the bad ones so they aren’t as scary anymore (you know which ones I’m talking about – fear, stress, overwhelm, worry, doubt) and so you can truly enjoy the experience of the good ones. After all, isn’t this the whole point of life?

P.S. Your feelings are the most important thing because – they are the reason you do everything you do or don’t do. They are the reason you are procrastinating, people pleasing, not following through on your plan, escaping your life with food, alcohol, money, blaming other people or your job for how you feel, even the reason that you are cluttered or disorganized. (Hint: If you look at your closet and cringe, the reason that it looks like that is because of how you felt in all of those little moments that culminated into it’s disastrous current state.).

If you want more help in getting control over your emotional life – to have exceptional emotional health so you can live an exceptional life, I want to invite you to join me on a FREE 30 Minute Consult Call. In this call, we will look at what you are struggling most with right now, what you want most and together we will create a plan to get you there. Just CLICK HERE to get on my schedule for your free call. The life where you are strong, confident, happy, follow through on your plan, not blaming other people and your job for how you feel, love walking into your closet every day, and love looking in the mirror is waiting for you.

Why Choosing Pleasure Over Joy Might Actually Be Making You Feel Worse

Joy is long term and sustainable.  Pleasure is immediate and fleeting.  And the choices you make each day determine which of these you will have in your life.

It’s the little insignificant decisions that have the biggest impact.  Think about this.  

How does someone become overweight?

By choosing to eat food that her body does not need, every day.

How does someone become dependent on alcohol to feel better?

By choosing it to escape from stress, overwhelm, anxiety, negative emotion – over and over again.

How does someone lose connection in a relationship?

By choosing not to make this person a priority or blaming him or her for how she is feeling, again and again.

How does someone lose traction in her career?

By choosing not to push herself to grow or set new goals or learn something new.

How does someone end up in credit card debt?

By choosing to buy things that she doesn’t have the cash to pay for – over and over again.

It all happens over time, in the seemingly insignificant moments of our everyday life.  It is the compounding effect at work.  And it is the breeding ground of complacency and dissatisfaction

The flip side to this is great news.  It means that with each small decision you make, you can move yourself closer to what you truly want.  But to do this, you have to actually be conscious of these little choices that you make every day.  This is where the real work is.  You are so programmed to respond in a certain way and with your current habits that you might not even realize that you do have a choice to do something different in the moment.

It’s not sexy or exciting or energizing in the moment to make a different choice.  It might actually mean that you have to give up what you want in the moment to get what you want in the long term.  It might mean saying no to that donut so that you stay on track with your eating plan.  That is not fun and I don’t think we should pretend that it is fun.  But do you know what is?  Going shopping and finding clothes that actually fit.  That make you look and feel amazing, every time you step into them.

It’s not immediately gratifying to choose to put the credit card away and just admire the thing in the store without bringing it home with you.  But what is gratifying is the extra cash you will have in your bank account.

It’s not easy to let another person be exactly who they are when you have been used to trying to control them or change them to be the person who you believe would be easier to love.  But, in the long run, taking this expectation and responsibility off of this relationship means more connection, love, and peace – for you.

Many of the choices that we make that are in alignment with what we truly want in the future will not FEEL good in the moment.  You have to decide which you want more – the immediate pleasure of this moment or the joy that you will feel in all of your future moments.  This is a skill and to get good at it requires practice. But guess what? Your day is filled with opportunities to practice. Choose wisely so that you get EXACTLY what you really want.

P.S. If you want more help in creating this habit of choosing your future over the immediate gratification of the moment, I’ve got you. Just CLICK HERE to get on my schedule for your FREE 30 Minute Consult Call. In this call, we will break down the reason that you are so conditioned at choosing immediate gratification over the future you actually want. And once we know the why, we can work together to start solving it. I promise you that it’s not what you think it is because if it was, you would have already solved for it.


Choosing To Be Wrong Is The Best Choice – Here’s Why

Conventional wisdom tells us that we should be right. But consider this. If you are right about the problem that is plaguing you then there is no solution. You are just destined to continue on with this same issue, to keep recreating it, resenting it and white knuckling your way through it.

Here’s what this looks like for some of my clients.

You have 10 or 15 pounds to lose and it’s the same 10 or 15 pounds you have been “trying” to lose for the last several years. You feel like you have tried everything – every fad diet, shake, and pill. And the weight does come off -for awhile. But then it comes back. It always comes back. If you believe that you have tried everything and nothing works, then there is no possible solution for your long term weight loss problem. But, if you are wrong about that, then there’s hope. There’s possibility. You ignite your solution oriented thinking and find the solution. But this only happens when you are willing to be WRONG.

Here’s another example that might sound familiar. There is never enough time. If you believe this to be true, then it will be. You will find how there is never enough time to get to the gym, make dinner for your family, read, clean up your house and the clutter. You don’t even see the time that is available in the cracks of your day to do the things you want because you are so focused on what you don’t have. But if you are WRONG about this, then there is a solution. It’s just that you haven’t found it yet. And just because you haven’t found the solution does not mean that it doesn’t exist.

Here are some things that my clients have learned to be WRONG about. And it has changed their lives.

I am just a negative person.

I’m just not a confident person.

People should do what they say they are going to do.

I’m destined to be unhappy.

I can’t feel better without a cocktail or glass of wine.

I will never lose the weight.

I can’t control my spending.

My husband should be more loving.

My grown child should take responsibility for himself.

My job is making me miserable.

Other people can hurt my feelings.

My Mom should not be so controlling or negative.

I don’t have time for this.

I can’t decide.

I am a hot mess and a failure.

They were WRONG about these things. And they are so happy that they were WRONG. Because what this means is a life of happiness, confidence, motivation – one that is free from the stress, overwhelm, and anxiety that they were self medicating for with food, alcohol, money, Netflix.

What is it for you? What can you decide to be WRONG about today? Because if you choose to be wrong, it means that there is a solution, you just haven’t found it yet. And when you decide that being WRONG is the RIGHT decision, then you open up to possibility and new solutions. Go be WRONG – so you can get exactly what you want.

P.S. If you are fed up with using food, alcohol, or your credit card as coping mechanisms for your stress, overwhelm, and anxiety, I want to offer to invite you to join me on a FREE 30 Minute Consult Call. On this call, we will dive into what triggers your stress, overwhelm, and anxiety the most and how we can change it so that you can feel better anytime you want without overeating, overdrinking or overspending.

I know you probably think you know what’s causing the problem. But if you knew what it was, you would have already solved for it. I promise you that if you think nothing works for you and you’ve tried it all, that you are WRONG. You haven’t tried what I am going to teach you in this call because if you had, you wouldn’t still be struggling with it. CLICK HERE to get on my calendar today so we can work together to find the real reason you are feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, anxious or just unhappy.

How To Make Time For Yourself – What No one Else Is Teaching You About Self Care

We have all heard about the importance of self care. And at an intellectual level we know that it is important, that it makes us happier and healthier so why don’t we make time for it?

For most of us, the intellectual understanding is not enough. We don’t truly believe that having time for our own care is more important than what the world wants from us. Our kids and our jobs and our spouses take priority and we delegate our own health and happiness to the bottom of the list. So even if we did plan to go for a walk or sit down and read a book for 30 minutes, when the world (and by world I mean the kids, spouse, boss, parents, job) decides that they need us, we give in. Because if we didn’t give other people what they wanted, then we would think we were being selfish. And we don’t want to think that about ourselves or want other people to think that about us.

Here’s what you need to know. The world will not crumble in the 30 minutes that you decide to take for yourself. And because I know that this is true, the way to schedule time for yourself is to put it on your calendar first. Yes, you read that right. You schedule your YOU TIME first, before anything else.

Now, your brain is probably resisting this. You want to tell me that it’s just not possible, that your schedule is too packed for you to do this, that it would never work. But the only reason your brain is offering up these thoughts to you is because this is what you have done in the past. And your brain does not like new ways of doing things – it takes more energy and your brain is built for efficiency. But you are in control and you can reprogram it and create new habits. That’s the beauty of being a human – we get to choose what we do.

The first step is to make a list of the things that fill you up, that recharge you. And this list might include things you WON’T do this week that are part of your self care plan. For me, walking my furry baby, yoga, reading, spending time with my husband and son, listening to podcasts, thinking about you and how I can help you, and being outside are all things that fill me up and energize me. These are all things that I will do and are on my calendar.

Now, there are some things that I won’t do that are part of my self care plan too. And these things do not require any of my time. I will choose not to eat foods that I know are going to make me feel bad – no matter what, even if that means that I skip a meal. I will not reach for a glass of wine or a drink to feel better if I’m feeling stressed out or overwhelmed. I will not spend money that I have not consciously and deliberately decided to spend ahead of time. I will not choose to make what other people say and do mean anything about me.

These are all things that actually will end up saving me time and don’t need a “slot” on my calendar. But, I do remind myself of them, daily and often throughout the day. These things that I won’t do are just as important as the things that I will do. I want you to think about these for you too. What do you want to cut out of your life that would actually contribute to your self care?

Here are some other things that do not cost time or money that you can incorporate into your daily self care routine. Breath. Try to slow down and become conscious of your breathing. This will bring you back to the present moment and help clear the clutter from your brain. Water. Plan to drink at least 8 glasses of water each day. Connection. To yourself, your own mind, to others, and to your current moment. It turns out that the simplest, most basic things in life can be the most powerful forces for our health and happiness.

When your list is complete, at least for now (it will evolve over time), you are going to choose at least one of the items for each day this week and schedule it on your calendar, just like a doctor appointment. It doesn’t have to be the same thing every day and it doesn’t have to be the same amount of time every day. Be flexible with yourself and your time. I know that you are a busy working Mom and each day’s schedule looks a little different. So some days it might be 30 minutes and maybe other days you create space for an entire hour. The idea is that you are intentionally putting yourself first. And then FOLLOW YOUR PLAN.

When you get to that time on your calendar and someone or something pretends to be more necessary than your plan for yourself, I want you to consider the true cost of giving it up. You only get one life and none of us is guaranteed anything except this current moment, the one we are living right now. I relearned this lesson this past weekend. A girlfriend of mine from high school passed away unexpectedly at the age of 41, leaving a husband and a beautiful baby girl of 2 1/2. It was shocking and sad.

And it reminded me of all of the ways that I take my time and my life for granted. And I recommitted to living a life that is an example of what is possible. A life that is inspiring for myself, my son and my clients. To show other working Moms who are just like I was that life does not have to be a struggle, that you don’t have to go it alone, that you don’t have to live in stress, overwhelm, worry, and anxiety. That it can be so much more. A life lived full out.

Are you ready to join me? If you are fed up with the stress, overwhelm, anxiety, and worry that you carry around with you every day like a heavy bag, I want to offer you to join me in a FREE 30 minute Consult Call. In this call, we will dive into the triggers for your stress and overwhelm, how you wish you could feel instead, and we will make a plan to get you there. You will leave this call with tools and strategies that you can use to feel better, anytime you want. Just CLICK HERE to get on my schedule so you can start feeling happy, confident, and motivated – right now, today, this week. You can wake up this Monday morning feeling excited and energized instead of dread and overwhelm.

DIY’ing What You Want Most In Life Is the Most Expensive Way To Get It – Here’s Why

What is the thing that you want most in your life right now? Stop what you are doing right now and think about this.

Losing weight

More money

New career

Finishing that college degree

More love in your relationships

Forgiving that one person in your life

Happiness

New home

Vacations

Personal Freedom

Now, why don’t you already have it?

For many of us the reason that we don’t have it is that we are trying to figure it out on our own. And this is the most expensive way to do it. Here’s why.

What is your most valuable resource? You will either respond with time or money. I think money is the most valuable because it is in limited supply. We don’t get our past moments back and we aren’t guaranteed any moments tomorrow. Truly all we have is this moment, right now.

And money is easy. You can always create more of it because there is plenty of it in the world. So, if time is our most valuable resource why do we so nonchalantly throw it away?

Because this is exactly what we are doing when we are trying to figure everything out on our own to “save” money. Why don’t we spend our money to save our time?

I think part of this rationale is because we have so many free resources available to us. You can learn just about anything you want from either YouTube or Google. And yet the question still stands, if this is true, that everything is figureoutable, why don’t you have that one thing in your life that you want most already, right now?

Because it takes time to do all of the micro learning that is involved when we do it on our own. And most of us start out super motivated and committed and we go all in. But then we encounter the first obstacle and we decide that it’s too hard and just not worth it and we quit. And it becomes a vicious cycle of starting and stopping and it takes forever to actually achieve any progress.

But, when you decide to invest your money in saving your time and getting to that goal or getting that thing that you so desperately want, you are fast tracking your path to it. What’s so fun to think about is that the faster that you get there, the more of your life you get to live with having achieved it.

So, this could look like looking forward to Summer because you have the body that you want to be in, it could be getting up on every single Monday morning for the rest of your life and looking forward to the day ahead, it could be feeling love and peace towards that one “difficult” person every time you think about them, it could be reliving the amazing family memories of that vacation you had on your bucket list. Just stop and think about getting to live the rest of your life with having accomplished that thing and how your life would be different and so much more amazing than if you didn’t have it.

I used to be the Queen of DIY’ing. I am a hard worker and a hustler and I didn’t like to ask for help because I knew that I could just figure it out on my own. And I did. But it took me so much longer to do it that way. As I’ve gotten older I have realized how truly valuable my time is and I’m treating it with much more care. Now, when I find there is a skill that I need to learn or when I know that I need help with something, I find the person who can teach me how to do it and I invest my money to help me get there. I’ve turned the tables and instead of investing my time in my money, I’m investing my money in my time.

Over the last few years, the most valuable way I have invested my money in my time has been with my coaches. And the progress I have made, working one on one with another human being who knows more than I do has helped me created a life where I get more from my life in one year than I used to get out of 5 years.

I know how to plan for everything I want and to actually follow my plan so I get more done in one day than most people get done in an entire week.

I have learned how to manage my emotional life and truly be happy most days. And this is not dependent on anyone or anything outside of me and what I consider “true, pure, genuine” happiness.

I don’t try to make myself feel better with a glass or two of wine at the end of a long, hard day. And as a result I sleep better and wake up clear headed instead of foggy and sluggish.

I am a life coach and entrepreneur who is helping other women end their own emotional struggle forever. And now they are truly happy and creating more in their own lives than they ever imagined possible.

I vacation, quarterly. This has been on my goal list for the past two years and I’ve actually made it happen. I no longer save up all of my vacation time or lose it because I didn’t take it.

These are just a few of the amazing things that I have created in working with a coach over the past three years. And it’s because I have decided to invest my money in what I truly want out of my life. And each year I create a bigger, better experience of life. And I am just getting started.

How about you? What are you going to do with your one wild and crazy life?

Are you fed up with feeling stressed out, anxious, overwhelmed, or unhappy? Do you look at your life and think it’s a train wreck and I’m just a hot mess? Are you ready for a different experience of life? I’ve got you. I want to offer to invite you to a Free 30 minute coaching session. In this session we will dive into where you are right now, where you want to go with your life and what would make you happy, and how to get there. Just CLICK HERE to get on my schedule.

A Life Coach Is Not A Friend, So What Is She?

I am a life coach and I love my clients fiercely. But, I am not their friend. Here’s why.

A friend is someone who commiserates with you in your failures and losses and celebrates with you in your wins and successes. She is there to love you madly, support you deeply, and often to agree with you when things are bad and when they are good.

Divorce sucks, Momming and adulting are hard, there is never enough time – she gets it because she is doing it too. We need this in our lives. I am blessed to have amazing, supportive friends who love me, no matter what. Even when I get it wrong. But they are not the humans in my life that have helped me solve my biggest challenges. That’s just not their role. And it’s not their role for you either. Because if it was, you wouldn’t still be struggling with that thing.

That’s what a life coach is for. Stop and think about those words – LIFE COACH. A coach who helps you with life.

A coach is not emotionally attached to your life or your outcomes so her perspective is completely neutral. She operates from a clean emotional space and it’s from that space that she can help you overcome your obstacles. She can see things that you can’t because you are stuck in your own fish bowl and she’s on the outside looking in.

Life coaches are future focused so we don’t dive into the past like a therapist would. We only look to what you want in your future and help you GO GET IT.

She is an accountability partner and will hold you to what you say you are going to do, no matter what. And if you don’t do it, she’s going to help you figure out why.

She challenges you in ways you never have been challenged before.

She’s your lamppost when you need it. She’s there to listen to all of the stuff you don’t want to tell your friends or your family and she has no judgement on any of it.

She tells you the hard things that your friends and family don’t want to tell you or don’t even see, but that you need to hear. And she loves you through all of it.

She believes fiercely in your dreams and is 100% in on helping you create them.

She is a powerful force in your life, walking hand in hand with you on that path to your BIG GOAL.

She inspires you into action when you aren’t able to do this for yourself.

She’s a teacher, an expert at her craft.

But, this doesn’t mean that she doesn’t or hasn’t struggled with life. And I think this is why she’s so valuable. She struggles and overcomes and it’s through this failure and overcoming that she learns how to help you. It’s precisely because of her struggle that she is so VALUABLE.

Think about this. If you wanted to get stronger or healthier physically, what would you do? Hire a coach or join a gym, right? So, if you want to become stronger and healthier mentally and emotionally, you hire a life coach. Mental and emotional health is her jam.

Here’s what’s true. We do everything we do because of how we feel.

So, what are your top emotions on a daily basis? Now, look at your life. If you don’t have what you want, it’s because you aren’t doing the things you need to do to get them. And this is only because of how you feel. When you learn to feel better – more confidence, love, motivation and commitment, you will do different things than you do when you feel anxious, overwhelmed, and stressed out.

If you are at a point in your life where you are just fed up fighting your emotional battle and are ready for a solution, hire a life coach.

I want to leave you with this. If you and I were meeting for coffee 1 year from now, what would need to have happened in your life in order for you to feel like that year was a total success? Time is going to pass and you have the choice to spend it creating exactly what you want or just staying exactly where you are. Choose wisely.

Intrigued and want to learn more, to see if a life coach is the person who can help you solve that problem that has plagued you for what feels like forever? Or maybe you don’t even know exactly what the problem is but you are tired of feeling like a hot mess and want a change? I’ve got you.

Just CLICK HERE to get on my schedule for a FREE 30 minute session. In this session I will take you through my Before and After process where we will dive into where you are now, what you want most out of your life and how to get there.